PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY
Weekly Worksheet
Tired. Today was another hard day. I thought yesterday was hard, and today was harder. In sum: unexpectedly hours short on sleep - again. Fussy baby. To-do list never changes, even though I'm slowly chipping away at it, which makes me feel like I'm stuck in a rut, not making any progress, or just spinning my wheels. In my free time, I find myself just checking Facebook instead of working on work, because I'm bored or drained of energy. And yet, I'm inspired to be productive, but am a little afraid to start (perfectionism? because I have so little free time, I know it won't be finished, or it won't be up to a very high standard that I feel I ought to be at? I don't know). I have accomplished some work, but it's like I'm bored and looking for things to read (even Facebook bores me, as does the news). Something to stimulate my mind instead of the same things every day!
2. How connected do you feel to God today?
Yesterday, or this morning, I would have said not much. But then I prayed, and God actually refreshed me. My bad mood dissipated this morning. It returned, on and off, but each time I prayed, I felt as if God told me "It's going to be all right". Not in words, but it was a feeling of being all right. I finished listening to a sermon tonight. It had several good points:
-First, all Christians have dry spells. You can be a good Christian and still have dry spells.
-Second, that there is nothing magical about ending with "in the name of your son Jesus Christ". That's a phrase merely to remind us that it's nothing we do, but what God did for us already, with Jesus on the cross. That's what I've needed to remind myself of.
-Third, that the Bible teaches us how to pray. We can pray what's in the Bible itself, or at least we cross check what we think God's telling us with what He's already told (or implied) in the Bible. He won't contradict Himself.
-Fourth, that it's not your effort that determines whether God answers your prayers or not. It's not if you pray hard enough, or often enough.
Let me be honest here, since this blog is mainly meant for me, as a record to myself. How connected do I feel to God? Some days I feel very connected, but most days I feel secular, or pushing away from God. Though then I pray and feel better for a few minutes, or sometimes for a few days, but it is always like this. I've already committed my life to God and Jesus, and I've had God work miracles in my life. This week in particular, I've done a good job pushing away sin (that when I give into, makes me feel guilty and pull away from God, as if to hide). So this week, that's a plus. This week, I was also able to recognize evil when I felt especially devoted to God. I even responded fairly well, not 100% well, so response is one thing I can work on, but at least I recognized it. (even though I feel actively working on crafting response is the hard part).
3. How have you been this past week with taking care of yourself? Have you maintained a good sleep/exercise/eating schedule? Have you practiced positive mental habits? Where have you found peace?
Yes to eating. I've tried to cut out sugar, which has actually gone fairly well. Yesterday I didn't, but I'm being gentler with myself on days where I'm dead tired. You do whatever you have to to survive.
Sleep - no but not my fault. I've stayed up a little later than I should have, including tonight, and Baby has kept me up the rest. Mental habits - nope. Trying though. I think I start, and then have to run through the old thoughts to "test" to see if the fear is gone, and then it brings back the habits (if not the fear).
Where have I found peace? Good question. I found a little bit praying. I found a little bit in reading healthy blogs. I keep thinking I'll find it on Facebook or articles, but I don't. I keep thinking I will in productivity, but sometimes I don't get through enough of the list (like this week) to actually get that "got a lot of stuff done" feeling.
4. How has progress towards your goals gone? Have you practiced good time management? If you'd like to change directions on your goals, or think you need a new strategy somewhere, please list that here:
Okay for time management (procrastinated a little, and did some activities which wasted some of my precious free time, but still have been chipping away at getting what needs to be done, done.)
New strategy: Facebook won't make me happy. I'd be farther along in my to-do list, and probably happier, if I just did things. Maybe getting on things? I don't know. See "feeling stuck in a rut", question #1.
5. Have you found time for a regular devotional? How is that going? Remember, any relationship is important to upkeep, and your relationship with God is no exception. If you’re having trouble making time for God, look at your schedule and schedule in a time right now. Maybe you can wake up 15 mins earlier or go to bed 15 mins later. Maybe you can take a few minutes on your lunch break to pray. Maybe you can listen to the Bible or worship songs on your way to work.
I've prayed every day but the last 2 days Baby woke up early. So no. I did decide to do more inspiration than Bible Study.
6. In what areas do you feel like God is working in your life this week?
I don't know. Giving me refreshment and encouragement when I need it in prayer, but then I slip back into the rut/negativity. I don't know the direction God is taking my life but that's okay I guess. Gentleness with my spouse. Patience with baby. Giving me time by cancelling Church stuff.
7. What is challenging you in your walk with God this week? What are some things you’ve been learning recently (in your walk with God)? Has it been easy or hard for you? In what areas or ways do you feel like you’re growing?
Staying connected to God beyond a day or two. I'm learning God is gentler with me than other Christians are. I don't have to beat myself up verbally or mentally like they would, because God actually doesn't care. As long as I follow Christ, and follow Him, that's what's important.
See my Summary of Things I've Learned page.
Is it hard? The past 2 days were hard, so it's hard to tell. Yeah, it's hard. It's brutal.
I feel like I'm actually growing to be a more productive person, a very busy person who balances a lot of extracurricular activities (something I've always wanted to be). I've handled church practice, the baby, cooking healthy meals (and keeping the fridge stocked!), work, and even some physical exercise. I haven't handled so well the cleaning this week, and some of it feels like it's slipping - my sleep, the physical stuff, even meals - they come out to one every couple days. So it's hard to hold it all together.
8. Pick a verse for the day. This can be a verse related to how you’re feeling, an inspirational verse off the homepage of Bible.com or Biblegateway.com or any other inspirational verse site, or a random verse from the Bible. Read it, and write it down, even if it’s just on a piece of note paper. Just somewhere to see it.
Awesome! I was just thinking, well, to encapsulate my mood, I am so down, I need some encouragement. Encouragement is the word for the day.
The verse for the day on Biblegateway.com (I kid you not):
1 Thess 5:11: Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.
How cool is that! I didn't even have to search for it. It's like God knows what I'm feeling. In a different world, that would cheer me up. The bad mood me is still in a bad mood, but at least I rationally know God's listening.
Other verses:
Josh 1:9: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
Rom 15:5: Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement...
9. Remind yourself of God’s truth: (what is God speaking to your situation this day/week?) Take a moment to just enjoy being with God. In prayer, in reading the Bible…just meditate for a minute and talk to God.
Whatever situation comes up, especially when Baby is fussy, don't be dismayed, because God is with me! The power of the Lord is backing me. So have courage, and take joy in knowing the Lord is with you!
Perseverance and encouragement are gifts from God. We won't have them all the time, and it is God who is responsible for working them in us.
Acts 15 - Judas and Silas strengthen and encourage the congregation at Antioch.
10. Personal goal for growth this week: (use this from your Monthly sheet, write it here, and keep it in view and in mind daily)
Get out of this rut I'm in by making my days different.
Stay more on a schedule with God, to try to keep the focus on Him.
Continue learning gentleness and patientce
Don't stress about the future, about my career direction or ultimate purpose. Just serve God in each small step He asks you to take.
*Bonus question: ways to be more Jedi-like:
Blow off frustration through exercising hard
Enjoy learning - find something new and dive in! kind of did this today with the camera.
Practice tolerance, patience, open-mindedness, even of other Christians. Don't assume they're going to judge you. Meet them with joy and encouragement. Pretend you like being around them, that they're your people, that it's a time to relax and enjoy and unwind from the week and not stress.
