Response to My Last Post (on a New Church Structure)

Spouse's response: sounds like you have some good ideas, but it sounds like a "crazy people" church. Many churches that have that structure have gone off the deep end theologically. So you really don't want just anybody getting up there to preach, because they could take some pretty horrible positions and use the Bible to justify them. Many churches get around this by requiring someone who preaches to be somehow ordained.

Good point, Spouse.

So, how to get around that? I do want anyone to be able to get up and preach, as long as they are Biblically grounded. I don't want them to have to have a seminary degree, though they should be knowledgeable of the Bible and basic Christian beliefs. I also don't want people to get up there and push an agenda, using the Bible to support it - the idea is preaching on the Bible itself.

You could have a requirement of the number of times they have to attend before they can preach, and have some sort of governing body approve them. This would probably involve knowing the topic ahead of time and getting to know the person. However, this puts more power in the hands of a governing body, rather than little small groups within the larger group being equal, with each small group able to do what it wants. (so that gets around the idea of "you'd need a governing body anyway to make the church's decisions".). You could do it as a small group model, where the group leader must approve of the person, though that definitely puts the power in the hands of one person, and if your group leader didn't like you, you'd be unable to preach.

So I guess a small governing body of people chosen by the church would be the best option. Although then people would choose their friends instead of the best leaders. The governing body would be small enough to be doctrinally consistent (even if they come from different denominations, as long as there are no major differences in theology) but large enough to not hold to just one theology and consider all else wrong, and large enough to incorporate a diversity of opinions to balance each other out. Grr, having to set up a government here, which is exactly what the Founding Fathers went through when they set up the United States - how to set up a government which fairly represents the people and their wishes but doesn't ramrod over a minority? In this case, it's how to set up a board which represents a diversity of opinions but not so diverse that you become inconsistent with Scripture and thus stray theologically.

Perhaps publishing by-laws, or defining theological lines? Of course, those theological lines would be broadly drawn (e.g. no official stance on whether baptism is necessary for salvation, or infant baptism, or transubstantiation, or any other non-salvation-oriented denominational issue), but would be clear on certain basic Biblical beliefs, the set that someone MUST believe in order to be considered a Christian.

If I Started a Church, It Would Be Revolutionary and Unlike Anything You've Seen, and Here's Why

Who is Church aimed at?

This post (and yes, the title question will be answered - keep reading) came about because I was reading an interesting blog post yesterday about how to be a Christian pastor. Written by a pastor with a PhD and specialty in pastoring, whose job is to teach future Christian pastors, that carries a lot of weight. He said (and I'm paraphrasing here) that a pastor's job is not to provide moral truth, and not to provide teaching, but to provide God's truth of His son Jesus Christ (in other words, the message of the cross...every sermon?).

I know as a believer, it gets tiresome to constantly hear the salvation message when I already believe. Of course it is important, and we should hear it occasionally to remind ourselves of it, but I don't believe believers need to hear it every sermon, because we're already converted. We already agree with it, so there's no need to harp on it or convince us.

So I found that I fundamentally disagree with this pastor, and realized that's because I realized I believe church's function is for a different audience (believers) than he does (non-believers). Which brings up the question:

"Why should Christians go to church?"
 This one is easy to answer - Christians all know the "right answer" is "Because we should, because the Bible commands us to." But, thinking about it, the better question is:


"Who is Church aimed at?"
Which ultimately comes down to how you picture an ideal Christian and their lifestyle, and what that looks like in the modern world. This is something I spend a lot of time thinking about.

If you've seen my last couple posts, you're probably aware that Spouse and I are considering starting a Bible Study, and at one point, I had the feeling God said "think bigger". What is bigger than a Bible Study? A church. The thought that God might want us to start a church is a very scary thought to me, as someone who grew up with a fear of people and someone who doesn't have any sort of seminary degree (and neither does Spouse). So the thought is intimidating, but if God wants to bring it about, He must think it's necessary, so who am I to argue?

First, let's consider the Christian community (and this is what I consider the christian church as a whole, consisting of everyone who has made the decision to follow Jesus, encompassing lots of denominations). I'm thinking mostly of the Christian community of the early church, described in the Book of Acts. 

• There are people who have made the decision to follow Christ, who've been around a long time and seen a lot of miracles done and people converted.
• There are new believers who are thinking, "okay I've put my trust in Christ but I don't know much about being a Christian...so now what? I want to learn more from someone."
• There are people hanging around who may have varying degrees of interest in Christ but are not yet Christians. They're just people's friends or acquaintances, who are kind of curious about Christianity.
• Then there are the people we're interacting with:  healing, preaching to, helping. The poor, whether physically or in spirit.

So I imagine the time of an ideal Christian would be spent something like this:

• in corporate or private worship (an outpouring of praise or thanks to God)
• in corporate teaching (learning/modifying our views of God)
• praying (deepening our relationship w/ God)
• Seeking God through reading the Bible (growing on our own journey)
• interacting with and uplifting our neighbors  (both non-Christians and other Christians)
  
  
  So, I see a Christian's time spent during the week as praying and reading the Bible in order to self-grow. So then, why meet for church? It's true that the Bible commands us to meet with others, saying it is good. And it feels good to talk to like-minded people, especially when you're feeling down or have some questions about things. It's especially good when you get to talk to someone encouraging, who is very nice and yet knows more (or can talk to God with you and beseech God for you) and so can give you advice.
  
  The Answer Is:
  
  During the week, I see a Christian reading the Bible and praying fervently, and volunteering with non-Christians and spending time with both Christians and non-Christians, but probably more on a one-on-one basis. Meeting also with one person in a discipling relationship, though every discipling relationship is a two-way street for learning from the other person, asking questions, and growing in faith. New Christians are probably being discipled by Longer Christians, but at some point you'll go from meeting with someone where you ask most of the questions, to meeting with someone else where you'll be able to provide a lot of guidance for their questions.
  
  On Sundays, I think Christians should meet together to worship corporately (that, at least, is the same). But, and here's where it's different, I think church should be an informal setting, a place to socialize and come together, followed by a teaching meant for all Christians there.
  
  Here is how I'd structure "church" (meant for believers, and those interested in Christ):
  Sunday Morning (just because most people already have this time set aside for "Church"):
  

  •  The primary audience is Believers
  • Start with a potluck breakfast. So yes, you'd get fed at church, and eat while you listen. People socialize with other Christians (people who share the same joy and outlook as they do), the people they haven't seen all week. This is a time for catching up, encouraging, asking questions, setting up lunch dates, etc. Short prayer before eating.
  • Corporate worship (this is the same)
  • People share testimonies of the week. Anyone who has a story of something great God's done or doing may share. This is meant to encourage and hearten the members, because we often don't even know what God is doing in the same part of the city next to us! If we don't see people regularly or it's not our group, we don't know, and it's cool to hear of miracles or conversions or great stories of God working. This setup naturally brings us closer to God and at the same time magnifies His greatness (whereas regular church, you just sit and listen, by nature not doing any of these things). Similarly, hearing your testimony could encourage people who have been discouraged that week in their own work. This works to break down walls between people (none of that just showing up to church and leaving, keeping everyone separate from each other and feeling like you don't know anyone). It serves to keep everyone at the same status (what the New Testament commands, and we don't do today!) and opens an intimacy through shared struggles and great works.
  • Short or long teaching where everyone just listens (like a sermon), but not just by one pastor. Throughout the week, anyone in the congregation (get rid of status; we're all Christians, so we all have the same status! No one preacher). So anyone in the congregation who might like to teach that week lets the group know, and after prayerfully considering all the possibilities, the group picks one (either through consensus or drawing lots). So that person stands up and gives a teaching meant for all the believers. This isn't a chance to just talk, but is only meant for someone who feels all believers need to hear something or correct a misconception.
  • Group prayer, where either everyone in the group prays at once, or people take turns praying for different issues throughout their lives, the community, and world. This is more of a focus on the community and world, as throughout the week, you're praying for people in your own life.
  Now, this structure does not give the Gospel Message to new believers. The reason most churches right now focus on giving the Gospel Message through preaching is a church service is seen as the primary way to convert someone. Most people may branch out to their friends and form a relationship, but don't know how to give the Gospel message themselves, so they invite that person to church and let the preacher do it for them. 
  This is a major problem.
  Every Christian needs to be able to give the Gospel message. It will always be scary, and we may need several versions of it, but really we're telling people why we believe. Our experiences will always be more convincing to a friend than listening to a sermon. Also, the time when a person needs to hear that message may not coincidentally fall on Sunday morning at 10 AM or whenever your church service is. They may go through an issue in their life where they need that message now. So if members were equipped, we would be able to give that message when people need to hear it, and not force them to wait for Sunday morning.
  
  The other problem is that when a church pastor is the only one to give that message, it means they must preach the salvation message every Sunday, in case there's a new person (because no one wants to miss the chance for someone to hear the Gospel message). However, 99% of the time, it's the same old crowd of believers only, and no new people. So you're boring your congregation.
  
  
  I believe to fix this, you would have a separate service or time set aside for people interested in checking out Christianity. While Sunday morning would be primarily a time for believers (although anyone would be welcome, because as believers we live an open lifestyle where people who see become curious or see God's works for themselves and want to join - it is not our amenities or music setup or our riches which attract members, which is what churches are doing today - they are selling those products, not God, and those are what are meant to attract new people. Disgusting.), you would always have a pastor available at a designated time during the week to give the Gospel message to anyone who showed up. This would catch the few people who weren't given the Gospel message through relationship with a friend, and for some reason if a particular Christian was unable to give the Gospel message to a certain friend or acquaintance, they could always attend with that person (going together, because community is what draws and anchors people), and the pastor would give it. Similarly, people in the community who simply heard and didn't meet other people first could come and hear the Gospel Message. So, it would be like a movie showing the Gospel Message every week, at this time.
  
  
  The benefits of this method are:
  1. The person acting as a pastor wouldn't feel the pressure of having to come up with a new sermon every week - which I feel is too much of a load on one person anyway! You can't force creativity every week, so you'd get better quality sermons if you rotated the load to other people.
  2. The congregation members would not be bored by the Gospel message they already know every week, but could attend the Gospel Message presentations if they chose.
  3. The pastor would get really good at presenting the Gospel Message, and sermons would be much shorter.
  4. The emphasis is more on community and individual relationships, which is what draws people anyway, and gives more responsibility to the individuals and God as it was in the New Testament, and less on power structures or fancy trappings to draw people, which are easily abused (I've seen it happen more times than I can count, especially pastors abusing their power or leaders letting it get to their head and lording that over other people, which in itself is unbiblical and causes people to hate Christianity). And the whole "pursuit of the American Dream of wealth advocated as Christianity" is definitely Not Biblical.
  5. It keeps people more involved. Everyone now has a stake in church, so it's less of something you show up to and more of something we're all working to keep going. So people are less likely to fall away, and it spreads the load to many shoulders, making lighter loads for the leadership.
  6. It builds intimacy, because you're hearing others' struggles and problems during Testimony time, but also their successes, and seeing the different ways God acts. So it helps me see more of God's power, helps me see how God can act in different situations (so if I have a hard situation that I haven't seen God in yet, or have different experiences with God, it's not treated as strange or lesser. No one right way.), and helps me appreciate the diversity God put on this earth. And hearing others' problems is a great way to get to know people and feel close to them in a short time.

  
  
  

God Has Brought Things to Pass

When we first moved, we prayed for a long time for community. The lack of community didn't bother me as much, but severely bothered my spouse, such that they despaired of ever finding it.

A second thing we prayed for: the reason I agreed to purchase the house we did was because God changed my heart. At first, I did not like it much. However, I got used to the idea, and felt like God wanted to use the space as His house. Specifically, we had led a small group Bible Study in our home previously, and we desired that experience again. I felt as if God wanted us to lead a Bible Study (that that was one of the reasons He chose this house), or possibly something even bigger - a church?

Well, a year and a half after we moved, after trying 3 churches with no community present (people brushed you off, or were only interested in polite niceties and nothing more), we finally found a church where people were interested in forming friendships and real relationships.

Now, the idea of Bible Study has been bandied about for a while. A colleague at work for a long time talked of starting up one, but it never happened, and now they've left. So that was a teasing year of hope. Then, at the 3rd church, we heard they were interested in starting up more Bible Studies, and we expressed interest, but we never heard back.

Now the church we currently attend has a lot of Bible Studies, so we figured they didn't need more. We had joined a great one with good community, and had no interest to take over or take things from them. Then, out of the blue, a member of the study asked if we had interest in leading a Bible Study? Apparently even though there are a lot, the church is looking for more, and more leaders.

God working?

So we'll have to see if this one comes to pass or not. I hope so. Though ultimately it is up to God, He's teased us with opportunities (this is the 3rd or 4th time depending on how you count it).

But in either case, He is faithful about things we've prayed deeply about, the greatest issues on our heart.

Prayers Requested and Answered

• Community/friends: check!
• Starting up a Bible Study (or possibly a church) at our house: possibly in progress.

God is good, and He is faithful. Even if the answer is "Wait", He will bring to pass what He says He will. Praise Him today, even if you're in the midst of waiting, because He is working.

Prayer Request for Today

Please pray for my friend Katie tonight. After some complications, they've decided to induce her early, and so she will be going into labor with her first child tomorrow morning. Please pray for her and her husband as they wait through the night, and for her labor and birthing experience tomorrow, and the health of their baby. Having your first child is scary, because you don't know what to expect, and it's worse when complications are already present, and she hasn't even gone into labor yet. Please, if you pray, pray that everything goes well for them.

Who Inspires You?

I was reading the faith page of a different Christian faith tradition, and I came across these questions:

Who in your church leadership inspires you?
Who in Scripture inspires you?

(I'm assuming both of these to mean at the moment, and not a long list in general).

For the first one, I thought of the pope, who I love greatly, but who currently feelings-wise I feel like I think I ought to say I'm more inspired than I am. I'm not surprised by his positions on his new encyclical on Climate Change, as he's been pretty liberal elsewise. He does, however, have the chance to sway a lot of people, and I think he's doing that for good, so that's awesome.

Really though, my #1 answer would be my worship leader at church. She's just awesome. The more I've gotten to know her, the more I can see how she lifts up others, how she's very laid back, and okay with different opinions, but still a very strong Christian. I have no doubt of her faith. I know too, from being in leadership positions myself in the past, that it's hard to be nice and make others feel appreciated even when you say "not now" or "you have to change because you're messing up"...and yet she does. I could learn a lot from her. Regardless, I've felt uplifted after every single interaction I've had with her. I've gone from viewing worship as a dreaded task to my meditation/uplift necessary time for the week. It refreshes me.

My #2 answers are the pastor at my church, and the pope. The Pope for using his large influence for good, where hopefully it will lead a lot of people to do good. And my personal pastor, because even though I don't think he's the best at preaching, it's obvious that he really cares about people and tries to meet them on their level and reach out to them. So many pastors only reach out to the extroverted. He's also humble, which is more than most pastors I know. So props to him - even though he's not perfect, I love how welcome he makes people feel. Again, bringing people up.

Who in Scripture inspires me at this moment? My answer is Jeremiah, of all people. I've never been much for the Genesis people, but I never would have expected Jeremiah. In the Bible, he laments that the world seems to go to evil around him, and where is God? He is hungering for righteousness. I guess I'm feeling kind of burnt out, and I love to see God working too and would like to see more of that too. Of course, Jeremiah gets kind of whiny about that, (and it's a good thing in my last post we're all 10s as Christians, because I'm sure no "good" Christian would dare say anything bad about a Biblical figure!) but still, I think that hungering to see God work is a good thing.

I had a Lifechanging Worldview Shift

How good of a Christian are you? 
How would you rate yourself as a Christian? On a scale of 1-10.

I was asked this question the other night at Bible Study.  Offhand, I was thinking that on the days when I really feel God, "pretty good" would be my answer. Maybe about a 7. On the days when I'm not thinking about God at all, and forget about Him for a couple days (I know, who could forget their creator if they truly loved Him?) or days when I feel distant when I pray...maybe a 4. I think 4-7 was the range I came up with.

My friend then went on to say he's asked many Christians this question over the years. And do you know what? No one gave themselves a 10. Ever. In fact, the highest he's ever had anyone rate themselves is a 7, and some people have given answers around 3.

This, as he pointed out, was amazing and sad. In my Bible Study, we are working our way through the letter Paul wrote to the Romans right now. What we have to remember is that God does not see us when He looks at us. He sees Christ, who is perfect. So anyone who gives an answer less than 10 is beating up on themselves in a way that is not true to God.

Every Christian is a 10.

This was utterly profound to me. It's true, there are days when I feel "less Christian." But, if we follow the logic of the Bible, that feeling is not true. People are never "saved" and then "unsaved again" and then whoops! "saved" again the next day. Your faith does not depend on your feelings or how much you think of God or do, because then your faith would depend on your works, and not what God's doing in you.

Philippians 1:6: For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

2 Corinthians 1:8 For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life...

The first verse above shows that it is God planting the seed. Once you take the physical action of accepting His gift, the rest of the work is His.

This comes back to the question of "why not sin then, if it brings God more glory?" posed in Romans. Paul never really answers this question. The answer we came up with as a group in Bible Study was that once you accept Christ, it is Jesus living in you, and you grow more like Him each day. Sin is incompatible with Him, but you should be striving to work with God, and become more like Him.

I included the second verse above because it reminds us that the apostles were only human. We like to think of them as almost superhuman after the story of Pentecost (and kind of "none too bright" before then...they really didn't get what Jesus was saying most of the time, did they? And yet He chose them, not only to be His friends but to be the ones to carry His word to the world. That's the most valuable gift of all, one you'd only give to someone you have faith in or trust, because they HAVE to get that right. He could have given it to the chief priests or someone more versed in the Torah, and yet He gave it to them, because their willing hearts were more important to Him - the rest they could learn from Him, and learn as they went).

After Pentecost, the apostles are always shown as with the Holy Spirit and always praising God and Jesus and healing and doing miracles. It's hard to think they ever felt far from God or had days where they were down, or where nothing happened. Yet they did. They are just as real as we are. The Bible has the disadvantage of summarizing events so time seems to pass quickly, but there must have been dull days, or days where they really didn't convert anyone.

In fact, in several stories in Acts, they are stoned or driven out of a place by people who were not receptive.

The 2 Cor verse listed above is pretty cool because it says without doubt that even these men, who had devoted their lives to God, who had physically seen or knew people who had physically seen the Resurrection, were feeling very depressed and were despairing. It happens. How would they have rated themselves as Christians on those days? I don't know.

Much of Protestant understanding of Christianity is a late construct. I ended up looking up things like moral government and penal substitution as terms to describe Christ's atonement, something nearly every Evangelical and Baptist church I've been to has ascribed to be "the One and only Truth" [and if you don't believe it, you're not a Christian!] - at least that's the implication. Yet this idea of Christ's dying on the cross being necessary to pay for man's sin in order to satisfy God's divine judgment (in other words, as necessary in order to be consistent with a just God, rather than to satisfy God's honor or some other reason) is a Medieval construct at the earliest, and probably after the Reformation (according to Wikipedia).

My point with all this is, how did the apostles think about Christ after the Resurrection in their day-to-day lives? What was their understanding of what He said and His death? I don't know. But I do know that I now have Confidence (yes, with a capital "C"!) in myself as a Christian. I am a 10. You are a 10. We're all 10s if we believe in Jesus Christ, and believe what the Bible tells us about God.

Totally life-changing for me, as I said in the post's title. Blew my mind.

Also, a side note but definitely fits with this: we don't have to wait to get right with God. As we are in the midst of sinning, or have just sinned, often we feel guilty or somehow feel like hiding from God or pulling away from Him. Just like Adam and Eve in the garden, see Genesis, by the way. Silly, because God still knows. But, as we feel guilty, we feel like we can't come to God right then.

That's not true. That's what the Devil wants you to think.

Even if you're feeling guilty, just come back to God. Don't waste time thinking you have to get your feelings in order first, to feel contrite first. In other words, as a different friend of mine and person I respect said, "Don't take yourself out of the game just because you made a mistake. Keep playing. Taking yourself out of the game wastes even more time."

Normally, I will be honest, I don't get much out of Bible Study. I find people debating the same tired points, and often people are content with content-reading - saying "What does this line say?" and answering it...which is fine as a beginning question to get people engaged, but not the whole study. If the right answer to every question is a simple "Jesus", then I'm basically in Vacation Bible School and not studying the Bible as deeply as I should be doing as an adult.  You can go your whole life that way, knowing the "right" answer and never thinking or having to change your mindset. And Bible Studies, most I've been to (and I've been to quite a few now, in a bunch of different places), are like that. So it was quite refreshing to have a deep discussion for once.

Also, one more point: not everyone has a powerful life-changing emotional experience that brings them to God. I did, my spouse didn't. Some people just decide "Oh...it makes sense to me now." and that's it. And that's okay. I had the whole "God speaking to me" thing where it clearly proved to me there was a God, but my actual "putting my faith in Christ" moment was more of an "oh, I see" moment...less drama. In some ways, it makes it harder to hold to faith, because you don't have that dramatic Before-and-After to cling to as Christianity changing you. In other words, it's harder to see Christianity "working", for lack of a better term.

The Take-Away:

• It's not our effort that makes us a good Christian. We're always a good Christian because Christ is in us, and that's what God sees.
• The early apostles surely had days where they struggled too. They couldn't have loved God 100% every day, and worked for Him tirelessly every day. That just leads to burnout. Also, they had failures too, and that didn't lead to them being any less Christian - in fact, they're held up as models of the faith.
• God is always with you, and always working. Put aside your guilt and come right back to Him. Don't wait to feel contrite before you come back, or that's wasted time. God has started a good work in you, and is continuing to make you more like Christ - a better person, more like Himself, godly in character - every day.
• Being godly goes against our nature in so many ways. In some ways, it's hard to wrap our heads around because the concepts are so foreign to us. Like not pursuing our self-interests. Totally backwards idea to us, yet it's central to Christianity and to knowing God.

Why Running Jaina?

Because some days, it's a fight. You grit your teeth and give it your all, and pray you last the day. And then celebrate as you cross the finish line. Party hard, play hard, exercise, rest yourself, unwind. You earned it.

Some days it's a challenge to wrestle even the tiniest drop of truth or inspiration from the Bible.
You feel frustrated after hours spend on one passage, with nothing to show from it. Don't give up! God speaks to you, and sometimes all you need to do is change your focus. Maybe all you need is inspiration today, not radical new learning. Maybe focus on a different person or different situation in the story. Maybe see us as Christians, kind of isolated and unknown in the population like Jedi living individual lives throughout the universe - what does this passage say for us Christians as a movement/whole? Let's assume we're talking about people who are very loving, generous, faithful, enduring, etc. (and not the haters, not the people pursuing the American Dream under the guise of Christianity).

Some days, your energy is sapped from life. A tiresome job or task. Sleepless nights with a baby. Fights with a spouse. Loved ones or friends who lean on you with all their troubles. Remember: God is with you. You are not doing this alone. And unlike the Force, it's not your own strength that feeds it (so when you have none left, you are not doomed!). No effort on your part - God is with you, and your success depends on Him and not your efforts. Surrender to Him today. Reconnect with Him today.

Personal Accountability Weekly Worksheet #2

PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY

Weekly Worksheet

1. How are you feeling today?

Tired. Today was another hard day. I thought yesterday was hard, and today was harder. In sum: unexpectedly hours short on sleep - again. Fussy baby. To-do list never changes, even though I'm slowly chipping away at it, which makes me feel like I'm stuck in a rut, not making any progress, or just spinning my wheels. In my free time, I find myself just checking Facebook instead of working on work, because I'm bored or drained of energy. And yet, I'm inspired to be productive, but am a little afraid to start (perfectionism? because I have so little free time, I know it won't be finished, or it won't be up to a very high standard that I feel I ought to be at? I don't know). I have accomplished some work, but it's like I'm bored and looking for things to read (even Facebook bores me, as does the news). Something to stimulate my mind instead of the same things every day!

2. How connected do you feel to God today?

Yesterday, or this morning, I would have said not much. But then I prayed, and God actually refreshed me. My bad mood dissipated this morning. It returned, on and off, but each time I prayed, I felt as if God told me "It's going to be all right". Not in words, but it was a feeling of being all right. I finished listening to a sermon tonight. It had several good points:

-First, all Christians have dry spells. You can be a good Christian and still have dry spells.
-Second, that there is nothing magical about ending with "in the name of your son Jesus Christ". That's a phrase merely to remind us that it's nothing we do, but what God did for us already, with Jesus on the cross. That's what I've needed to remind myself of.
-Third, that the Bible teaches us how to pray. We can pray what's in the Bible itself, or at least we cross check what we think God's telling us with what He's already told (or implied) in the Bible. He won't contradict Himself.
-Fourth, that it's not your effort that determines whether God answers your prayers or not. It's not if you pray hard enough, or often enough.

Let me be honest here, since this blog is mainly meant for me, as a record to myself. How connected do I feel to God? Some days I feel very connected, but most days I feel secular, or pushing away from God. Though then I pray and feel better for a few minutes, or sometimes for a few days, but it is always like this. I've already committed my life to God and Jesus, and I've had God work miracles in my life. This week in particular, I've done a good job pushing away sin (that when I give into, makes me feel guilty and pull away from God, as if to hide). So this week, that's a plus. This week, I was also able to recognize evil when I felt especially devoted to God. I even responded fairly well, not 100% well, so response is one thing I can work on, but at least I recognized it. (even though I feel actively working on crafting response is the hard part).


3. How have you been this past week with taking care of yourself? Have you maintained a good sleep/exercise/eating schedule? Have you practiced positive mental habits? Where have you found peace?

Yes to eating. I've tried to cut out sugar, which has actually gone fairly well. Yesterday I didn't, but I'm being gentler with myself on days where I'm dead tired. You do whatever you have to to survive.

Sleep - no but not my fault. I've stayed up a little later than I should have, including tonight, and Baby has kept me up the rest. Mental habits - nope. Trying though. I think I start, and then have to run through the old thoughts to "test" to see if the fear is gone, and then it brings back the habits (if not the fear).


Where have I found peace? Good question. I found a little bit praying. I found a little bit in reading healthy blogs. I keep thinking I'll find it on Facebook or articles, but I don't. I keep thinking I will in productivity, but sometimes I don't get through enough of the list (like this week) to actually get that "got a lot of stuff done" feeling.

4. How has progress towards your goals gone? Have you practiced good time management? If you'd like to change directions on your goals, or think you need a new strategy somewhere, please list that here:

Okay for time management (procrastinated a little, and did some activities which wasted some of my precious free time, but still have been chipping away at getting what needs to be done, done.)

New strategy: Facebook won't make me happy. I'd be farther along in my to-do list, and probably happier, if I just did things. Maybe getting on things? I don't know. See "feeling stuck in a rut", question #1.



5. Have you found time for a regular devotional? How is that going? Remember, any relationship is important to upkeep, and your relationship with God is no exception. If you’re having trouble making time for God, look at your schedule and schedule in a time right now. Maybe you can wake up 15 mins earlier or go to bed 15 mins later. Maybe you can take a few minutes on your lunch break to pray. Maybe you can listen to the Bible or worship songs on your way to work. 

I've prayed every day but the last 2 days Baby woke up early. So no. I did decide to do more inspiration than Bible Study.

 6. In what areas do you feel like God is working in your life this week?

I don't know. Giving me refreshment and encouragement when I need it in prayer, but then I slip back into the rut/negativity. I don't know the direction God is taking my life but that's okay I guess. Gentleness with my spouse. Patience with baby. Giving me time by cancelling Church stuff.


7. What is challenging you in your walk with God this week? What are some things you’ve been learning recently (in your walk with God)? Has it been easy or hard for you? In what areas or ways do you feel like you’re growing?

Staying connected to God beyond a day or two. I'm learning God is gentler with me than other Christians are. I don't have to beat myself up verbally or mentally like they would, because God actually doesn't care. As long as I follow Christ, and follow Him, that's what's important.
See my Summary of Things I've Learned page.
Is it hard? The past 2 days were hard, so it's hard to tell. Yeah, it's hard. It's brutal.
I feel like I'm actually growing to be a more productive person, a very busy person who balances a lot of extracurricular activities (something I've always wanted to be). I've handled church practice, the baby, cooking healthy meals (and keeping the fridge stocked!), work, and even some physical exercise. I haven't handled so well the cleaning this week, and some of it feels like it's slipping - my sleep, the physical stuff, even meals - they come out to one every couple days. So it's hard to hold it all together.

 8. Pick a verse for the day. This can be a verse related to how you’re feeling, an inspirational verse off the homepage of Bible.com or Biblegateway.com or any other inspirational verse site, or a random verse from the Bible. Read it, and write it down, even if it’s just on a piece of note paper. Just somewhere to see it.

Awesome! I was just thinking, well, to encapsulate my mood, I am so down, I need some encouragement. Encouragement is the word for the day.

The verse for the day on Biblegateway.com (I kid you not):

1 Thess 5:11: Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.
 
How cool is that! I didn't even have to search for it. It's like God knows what I'm feeling. In a different world, that would cheer me up. The bad mood me is still in a bad mood, but at least I rationally know God's listening.


Other verses:
Josh 1:9: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Rom 15:5: Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement...








9. Remind yourself of God’s truth: (what is God speaking to your situation this day/week?) Take a moment to just enjoy being with God. In prayer, in reading the Bible…just meditate for a minute and talk to God.

Whatever situation comes up, especially when Baby is fussy, don't be dismayed, because God is with me! The power of the Lord is backing me. So have courage, and take joy in knowing the Lord is with you!




Perseverance and encouragement are gifts from God. We won't have them all the time, and it is God who is responsible for working them in us.


Acts 15 - Judas and Silas strengthen and encourage the congregation at Antioch.

10. Personal goal for growth this week: (use this from your Monthly sheet, write it here, and keep it in view and in mind daily)

Get out of this rut I'm in by making my days different.
Stay more on a schedule with God, to try to keep the focus on Him.
Continue learning gentleness and patientce
Don't stress about the future, about my career direction or ultimate purpose. Just serve God in each small step He asks you to take.

*Bonus question: ways to be more Jedi-like:
 Blow off frustration through exercising hard
 Enjoy learning - find something new and dive in! kind of did this today with the camera.
Practice tolerance, patience, open-mindedness, even of other Christians. Don't assume they're going to judge you. Meet them with joy and encouragement. Pretend you like being around them, that they're your people, that it's a time to relax and enjoy and unwind from the week and not stress.

Summary: Things I've learned this week

 

• Being married makes you more Christlike. It doesn't matter how badly the other person acts.  It's about your part being prepared to be sacrificial, but to do everything you can to love.
• Greed is a form of idolatry, because you're putting your greatest value in something that's not God.
• We're all valuable, and our skills and talent sets are needed. God will use you.
• Devotionals every day are not meant to be a Bible Study. Try to apply a verse to what you're thinking about that day and see how God answers (I search the term I think best applies and see what stands out to me - so far this has only worked okay). Or else, pick an inspirational verse. Use it as a pick-me-up for the day.

Devotional: Members of the Body (Your talents are needed! You are special as You!)

Sometimes,  you get new perspective from the smallest details.

I'm writing this from my phone tonight.  We'll get into the details of should I as a Jedi and Christian have a smartphone while there are poor people in the world another time.  On principle,  my answer is no. Anyway.

As I was typing in the word "devotional", my phone's other suggestions popped up with "devotion", "devote", and "devotees". I thought immediately of apprentices when I saw devotees. Followers. Learners. I also thought of solemness, seriousness,  but also tenacity when I saw the word devote. As in, you devote your life to something true, and deep/complex, and deep.

Exactly what we're supposed to be as Jedi and Christians.  Seeking.  Learning (or open-minded to new ideas and experiences). Committed. Unshakable in our values and working to implement ideals for the benefit of all.

So, just a reminder to be a Jedi or monk ish figure even on the days when it's hard and you're burned out. On days when you're drained and just don't feel like doing anything.

On to my devotional.

I was thinking about sibling rivalry today,  comparing different family systems.  It left me with bitterness at memories of my childhood, even though by most standards I had a great one. It centered around fear of losing affection.

I was thinking that the verse for the day would be something to do with God loving each of us, but instead it was the verse about all of us being like parts of the body.  In other words, we're all different but necessary.  So God must be telling me to focus on my qualities,  the good things about myself that people can love,  and not focus on my siblings.  Because after all, we each have qualities that make us special.

So my good qualities are:

• Patient
• Stable, as Spouse points out
• Decently intelligent
• Passionate - get excited about new projects and have a heart for helping people
• Tireless (at least at working at one sitting. ..over days is when I lose interest)

I'm not exactly sure what job I'd have as a Jedi. Of course, I'm still not sure what job best suits me in real life either.  I'm making do with what I have,  but there is no such thing as a paid peacekeeper or superhero.  I also realized half the reason Jedi are respected but real peacekeepers aren't is because of their superpowers.  Sad, because people I believe are trying their best,  even if they mess up occasionally. 

Hm. Don't know what the takeaway is from listing these qualities.  Time to think of a new job, is that what you're telling me,  Lord?

Prayer: Lord, I pray for all the people struggling to find where they fit in in the world.  I pray you can match them to fulfilling work, whether it's a job or some area of the community. One thing Star Wars teaches is that your talents are needed.  Plug in somewhere in the community.  Lord, please show me where my talents are needed in the days to come Amen.

Devotional: Resisting Temptation, and Having Confidence

Last night as I was praying, I felt drawn to do a devotional on the Our Father. It's a prayer that I've said many times in my life. I've even studied it before (focusing mostly on the beginning part; the beginning establishing who God is in relation to us, how holy He is compared to us, and the end then asking Him for more task-like things. I've done a good study on this being how we should pray generally).

Last night, I was drawn specifically to the end verses:

Matthew 13: And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Interesting - I just found out that the "For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours, now and forever" part that Catholics say a few lines later in response but Protestants say as part of the prayer was not found in early manuscripts! I don't feel bad now about leaving it off (before I felt deficient, like I was saying it the wrong way).

But the part that really struck me last night was the end.

Why would God allow us to be tempted?
Why would Jesus pray that God wouldn't?

Let's say God, who never tempts us Himself but allows us to be tempted, lets us be tempted on some days. Why? Perhaps as a test for us (not because He doesn't know the answer, but so we know it) - to build up our strength in not sinning. I can't think of any other reasons right now.

Why would Jesus pray then that God wouldn't? If everything is done for our benefit, wouldn't Jesus then want us to be tempted? Clearly He doesn't want us to be tempted, because there's the possibility we'll fall to sinning. Or even if we don't, He knows it's hard for us to resist, and puts mental strain on us. But, if God allows it, why would Jesus ask for something against God's will?

But deliver us from evil.

Yes, there may be evil that comes upon us. It threatens to snatch us and eat us if we're not careful. I noticed in particular that when I made a new commitment to Christ, in two different times the next day, evil came upon my family. Often, when we are becoming more godly, we seem to go through a period of trials and hard times afterwards, as if evil is trying to attack us, trying to knock us from our newfound faith. So I was watching for it, and caught it, and did not fall away; instead it encouraged me.

Which brings me to the devotion that grabbed me today:

Acts 4:13: Now they observed the confidence of Peter and John and understood that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed, and began to recognize them as having been with Jesus.

The word that stood out to me in this was confidence. We are to have confidence if we are with God (have chosen to follow God, because then God is directing our lives). Too often, I fear. Particularly it's pretty neat that these men were clearly not equipped to do what they were doing. They were uneducated, and they had not been trained. They were not Torah scholars, yet here they were making amazing connections between passages, connections that only a scholar should be able to make. We should also remember that Jesus himself was formally uneducated and untrained (though listening a lot to the experts can teach you something too - you don't need formal training).

My fear is typically in feeling inadequate. In many areas of life I have Imposter's Syndrome, where I'm afraid I'm not good enough and it's only a matter of time before I'm going to be "found out". So I think this message today is...God equips you. Have confidence. Go out there and do God's work with confidence, because you are good enough.

Areas in which I need to have confidence:

• As a parent, that my baby loves me and not just interesting things I'm wearing or the games we play, that they actually want to spend time with me as a person.
• As a productive time-managing person, that I do have the ability to manage time successfully. I've learned a lot and am still learning, but I do have the ability to be a successful person in managing time.
• As a musician. The Worship Leader told me I did a great job. That was me learning a completely new instrument. Even if I mess up, it doesn't make me a bad musician. Similarly on a job. They aren't waiting for me to mess up, ready to pounce. It really helps in this regard to build everyone up, rather than comparing and constantly worrying I'm not measuring up. Building everyone up builds myself up too.
• As a Christian. I mentioned this before but I'm scared. I'm scared because I changed faith traditions, from a background that the new Christians I interact with find "out there" or "nonChristian". I always considered myself Christian, and now I know there are parts that I think misinterpret or extend things too far, and I know that a lot of the dogma now that both traditions stick to has become extremized due to the Reformation and Counter Reformation, but that still leaves me with a lot of fiery dogma. A lot of people coming from different traditions just kind of blunder in, with ideas some find heretical, and it always puts a pause on the conversation and people to doubt the Christianity of the speaker (or just to find them awkward, which equals uncomfortable for the one feeling that way, which equals social exclusion). I've avoided that uncomfortableness so far by remaining silent, but then it grates on me with dissonance, because either people are speaking hate about something they're wrong about, or they're right and then I don't know what I can believe anymore. However, I have to remember that in my experience, no denomination so far that I've encountered has a monopoly on Christianity.
• In my experience, keep in mind that this is just my experience, not the definitive Right and Wrong, Catholics do an absolute great job with worshipping God as a king, and with social justice. I've never seen a Catholic church not involved in the community, and I think Protestants have a tremendous amount they can learn from catholics. But, I do think Catholics take praying to Mary and to the saints too far (really, why not just spend your time praying to Jesus? I do think some people do end up worshiping them, not everyone, and not on the same level of Jesus, but it certainly does not have the "we're all workers, all the same, all human and I'm as good as you" message that frankly Acts and the rest of the New Testament have. I also never got the "Jesus died specifically for my sin" message (I always got "Jesus died for the sins of the world, and there are a lot of bad people in the world, and yeah I forgot to say I'm sorry that one time so I do have some small sins").
• I do think that message, that even if everyone else was perfect and good that Christ would still have had to die for your sins, that your sin alone is bad enough to merit him dying, is important for Christianity. I got that from Evangelical Protestants, and a little more sense of why Jesus (and His death!) are really important. Before, I saw Christmas as important as Easter, and Jesus more like a wise teacher than His death as the central event and more of Him as a prophet whose sole purpose was To Die. But, I don't get Jesus as a king from Evangelical Protestants, nor is there very much mention of God the Father (who I believe is the central, and most holy figure - again, the New Testament always uses Jesus to point us to God the Father). In Evangelical Protestantism, the worship is to Jesus as God (which makes me uncomfortable!), and maybe the Holy Spirit in more of a Pentacostal, "filling us up and doing miracle"s kind of way, but nothing about God the Father. Also, there's a lot of talk of "converting" the surrounding area, as if every other Christian denomination there (and the whole downtown is filled with churches! Seriously!) is a heathen and we're living in the middle of the jungle. Also, no social justice, or only like 1 outlet, which usually involves prayer walking or some other form of conversion, but nothing to actually help people's physical needs.
• As for Southern Baptists...I see them as striving for a middle ground. They do have more of the formalized aspects, though I think that can easily get wrapped up as "tradition" and worshiped more along with giving cultural respect to your ancestors, and of course the church. But I've seen bitter divisions and politics split a church, because the people there are focused more on their own personalities and people they dislike rather than on God. It depends on the church as to how much they do for the surrounding community (some do a lot, and some have their focus on evangelism only).
• And then there are people more so than churches who have a very strong End Times belief (and if you don't believe the End Times will occur like they do, you're clearly a heathen or don't know the Bible), and the people who are so wrapped up in America is a Sinking Ship (i.e. wrapping politics into their sermons, which I think is very unChristian, because Jesus was not a Republican or a Democrat. Preaching should be done on what Jesus preached on and values of God, because I believe people from both parties are seeking those, just in different ways or emphasizing different attributes. okay, my own political rant over.)
• So, I think the true Christianity incorporates all those parts. I'm afraid of how other people view me, particularly other Christians judging me as not saved (who are they to say anyway? It's between myself and God). How do I get over awkwardness? I guess just have Bible answers to back me up? (but then that turns into a debate, and people don't like when you show them evidence for your position they can't refute...I was on the other side of that issue last night).
• As a spouse. My Spouse Is Not Always Right. I should put this up as a banner in our house. My Spouse always thinks they're right (because who willingly holds views they think are wrong?), and can eviscerate me in an argument. It's no fun being eviscerated. Never was, and never will be. In fact, it's downright painful, and makes me mad, and sometimes even if they're gentle, well, I just hate losing. I'm competitive. I'm a sore loser. And so in that sense, they're helping me grow. But emotionally, I'm the more mature one. 

 The Take-Away
Overall, I need to have confidence in myself and my background, and not EVER be ashamed of where I came from. That said, I need to be not incorporating the actual information into my identity, so I can still be wrong and be an awesome person. Learning you're wrong and learning the truth is part of growing. Don't tie your identity in with your skills, or with an information set. That's one thing God taught me at worship practice - you are of infinite value. Everyone is. You start from there and build up with your skills, but your skills do not make You (your identity).

I suppose with my background, I can always qualify it by saying "the background I came from," or "I grew up believing some different things. They are..."

And again, I do not need to be ashamed because I'm a new Christian. In fact, I probably have more Bible knowledge than a third of the congregation in any given church (so, in other words, I'm right in the middle, and I haven't gone to seminary). Of course, I always think I know more about a given subject than I do (because I'm an expert in all I know, until I learn there are whole other fields I don't know that are part of my subject, that I'm severely deficient in. Such as philosophy. I don't know which Biblical theories fall into which philosophical camp).

I know this post is long, but let me end by applying all of this. I don't know yet what's going to pop up in the rest of my day. The day I read on Greed, Greed popped up later. So I don't know if I'm going to need to resist temptation or resist evil today, or if I'm going to need confidence in myself because I'm doing God's will later today. Maybe someone will beat me down, and I need general confidence in myself and my abilities. But the main thing to hold on to, to cling to, is to follow God. Not feeling as in touch with God today but I'll try.

Putting a Star Wars lens on this (visualizing myself in front of the council): everything is a test, and I need to feel adequate. I'm surrounded by masters, but that doesn't make me any less (though I feel inadequate and like nothing, and they'll know every mistake!). So what? They see your mistakes every day. They're mostly seeing how you've improved, and are going to give tips for what you still need to work on, but I know personally as a teacher that I am rooting FOR students on tests. I'm seeing their improvement, not their failures.

So everything is a test, and nothing is a test.

We're always noticing both the mistakes and good parts of others. A test, or performance, or public group speaking, or sharing Christian beliefs is no different. We're all different, and we all have something valuable to contribute, we're all improving in some areas, and we're all learning more about what it means to be a Christian. God gives me some communal insights and some unique insights specific to my life right now, insights that The Masters Don't Have!