God Has Brought Things to Pass

When we first moved, we prayed for a long time for community. The lack of community didn't bother me as much, but severely bothered my spouse, such that they despaired of ever finding it.

A second thing we prayed for: the reason I agreed to purchase the house we did was because God changed my heart. At first, I did not like it much. However, I got used to the idea, and felt like God wanted to use the space as His house. Specifically, we had led a small group Bible Study in our home previously, and we desired that experience again. I felt as if God wanted us to lead a Bible Study (that that was one of the reasons He chose this house), or possibly something even bigger - a church?

Well, a year and a half after we moved, after trying 3 churches with no community present (people brushed you off, or were only interested in polite niceties and nothing more), we finally found a church where people were interested in forming friendships and real relationships.

Now, the idea of Bible Study has been bandied about for a while. A colleague at work for a long time talked of starting up one, but it never happened, and now they've left. So that was a teasing year of hope. Then, at the 3rd church, we heard they were interested in starting up more Bible Studies, and we expressed interest, but we never heard back.

Now the church we currently attend has a lot of Bible Studies, so we figured they didn't need more. We had joined a great one with good community, and had no interest to take over or take things from them. Then, out of the blue, a member of the study asked if we had interest in leading a Bible Study? Apparently even though there are a lot, the church is looking for more, and more leaders.

God working?

So we'll have to see if this one comes to pass or not. I hope so. Though ultimately it is up to God, He's teased us with opportunities (this is the 3rd or 4th time depending on how you count it).

But in either case, He is faithful about things we've prayed deeply about, the greatest issues on our heart.

Prayers Requested and Answered

• Community/friends: check!
• Starting up a Bible Study (or possibly a church) at our house: possibly in progress.

God is good, and He is faithful. Even if the answer is "Wait", He will bring to pass what He says He will. Praise Him today, even if you're in the midst of waiting, because He is working.

Prayer Request for Today

Please pray for my friend Katie tonight. After some complications, they've decided to induce her early, and so she will be going into labor with her first child tomorrow morning. Please pray for her and her husband as they wait through the night, and for her labor and birthing experience tomorrow, and the health of their baby. Having your first child is scary, because you don't know what to expect, and it's worse when complications are already present, and she hasn't even gone into labor yet. Please, if you pray, pray that everything goes well for them.

Who Inspires You?

I was reading the faith page of a different Christian faith tradition, and I came across these questions:

Who in your church leadership inspires you?
Who in Scripture inspires you?

(I'm assuming both of these to mean at the moment, and not a long list in general).

For the first one, I thought of the pope, who I love greatly, but who currently feelings-wise I feel like I think I ought to say I'm more inspired than I am. I'm not surprised by his positions on his new encyclical on Climate Change, as he's been pretty liberal elsewise. He does, however, have the chance to sway a lot of people, and I think he's doing that for good, so that's awesome.

Really though, my #1 answer would be my worship leader at church. She's just awesome. The more I've gotten to know her, the more I can see how she lifts up others, how she's very laid back, and okay with different opinions, but still a very strong Christian. I have no doubt of her faith. I know too, from being in leadership positions myself in the past, that it's hard to be nice and make others feel appreciated even when you say "not now" or "you have to change because you're messing up"...and yet she does. I could learn a lot from her. Regardless, I've felt uplifted after every single interaction I've had with her. I've gone from viewing worship as a dreaded task to my meditation/uplift necessary time for the week. It refreshes me.

My #2 answers are the pastor at my church, and the pope. The Pope for using his large influence for good, where hopefully it will lead a lot of people to do good. And my personal pastor, because even though I don't think he's the best at preaching, it's obvious that he really cares about people and tries to meet them on their level and reach out to them. So many pastors only reach out to the extroverted. He's also humble, which is more than most pastors I know. So props to him - even though he's not perfect, I love how welcome he makes people feel. Again, bringing people up.

Who in Scripture inspires me at this moment? My answer is Jeremiah, of all people. I've never been much for the Genesis people, but I never would have expected Jeremiah. In the Bible, he laments that the world seems to go to evil around him, and where is God? He is hungering for righteousness. I guess I'm feeling kind of burnt out, and I love to see God working too and would like to see more of that too. Of course, Jeremiah gets kind of whiny about that, (and it's a good thing in my last post we're all 10s as Christians, because I'm sure no "good" Christian would dare say anything bad about a Biblical figure!) but still, I think that hungering to see God work is a good thing.

I had a Lifechanging Worldview Shift

How good of a Christian are you? 
How would you rate yourself as a Christian? On a scale of 1-10.

I was asked this question the other night at Bible Study.  Offhand, I was thinking that on the days when I really feel God, "pretty good" would be my answer. Maybe about a 7. On the days when I'm not thinking about God at all, and forget about Him for a couple days (I know, who could forget their creator if they truly loved Him?) or days when I feel distant when I pray...maybe a 4. I think 4-7 was the range I came up with.

My friend then went on to say he's asked many Christians this question over the years. And do you know what? No one gave themselves a 10. Ever. In fact, the highest he's ever had anyone rate themselves is a 7, and some people have given answers around 3.

This, as he pointed out, was amazing and sad. In my Bible Study, we are working our way through the letter Paul wrote to the Romans right now. What we have to remember is that God does not see us when He looks at us. He sees Christ, who is perfect. So anyone who gives an answer less than 10 is beating up on themselves in a way that is not true to God.

Every Christian is a 10.

This was utterly profound to me. It's true, there are days when I feel "less Christian." But, if we follow the logic of the Bible, that feeling is not true. People are never "saved" and then "unsaved again" and then whoops! "saved" again the next day. Your faith does not depend on your feelings or how much you think of God or do, because then your faith would depend on your works, and not what God's doing in you.

Philippians 1:6: For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

2 Corinthians 1:8 For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life...

The first verse above shows that it is God planting the seed. Once you take the physical action of accepting His gift, the rest of the work is His.

This comes back to the question of "why not sin then, if it brings God more glory?" posed in Romans. Paul never really answers this question. The answer we came up with as a group in Bible Study was that once you accept Christ, it is Jesus living in you, and you grow more like Him each day. Sin is incompatible with Him, but you should be striving to work with God, and become more like Him.

I included the second verse above because it reminds us that the apostles were only human. We like to think of them as almost superhuman after the story of Pentecost (and kind of "none too bright" before then...they really didn't get what Jesus was saying most of the time, did they? And yet He chose them, not only to be His friends but to be the ones to carry His word to the world. That's the most valuable gift of all, one you'd only give to someone you have faith in or trust, because they HAVE to get that right. He could have given it to the chief priests or someone more versed in the Torah, and yet He gave it to them, because their willing hearts were more important to Him - the rest they could learn from Him, and learn as they went).

After Pentecost, the apostles are always shown as with the Holy Spirit and always praising God and Jesus and healing and doing miracles. It's hard to think they ever felt far from God or had days where they were down, or where nothing happened. Yet they did. They are just as real as we are. The Bible has the disadvantage of summarizing events so time seems to pass quickly, but there must have been dull days, or days where they really didn't convert anyone.

In fact, in several stories in Acts, they are stoned or driven out of a place by people who were not receptive.

The 2 Cor verse listed above is pretty cool because it says without doubt that even these men, who had devoted their lives to God, who had physically seen or knew people who had physically seen the Resurrection, were feeling very depressed and were despairing. It happens. How would they have rated themselves as Christians on those days? I don't know.

Much of Protestant understanding of Christianity is a late construct. I ended up looking up things like moral government and penal substitution as terms to describe Christ's atonement, something nearly every Evangelical and Baptist church I've been to has ascribed to be "the One and only Truth" [and if you don't believe it, you're not a Christian!] - at least that's the implication. Yet this idea of Christ's dying on the cross being necessary to pay for man's sin in order to satisfy God's divine judgment (in other words, as necessary in order to be consistent with a just God, rather than to satisfy God's honor or some other reason) is a Medieval construct at the earliest, and probably after the Reformation (according to Wikipedia).

My point with all this is, how did the apostles think about Christ after the Resurrection in their day-to-day lives? What was their understanding of what He said and His death? I don't know. But I do know that I now have Confidence (yes, with a capital "C"!) in myself as a Christian. I am a 10. You are a 10. We're all 10s if we believe in Jesus Christ, and believe what the Bible tells us about God.

Totally life-changing for me, as I said in the post's title. Blew my mind.

Also, a side note but definitely fits with this: we don't have to wait to get right with God. As we are in the midst of sinning, or have just sinned, often we feel guilty or somehow feel like hiding from God or pulling away from Him. Just like Adam and Eve in the garden, see Genesis, by the way. Silly, because God still knows. But, as we feel guilty, we feel like we can't come to God right then.

That's not true. That's what the Devil wants you to think.

Even if you're feeling guilty, just come back to God. Don't waste time thinking you have to get your feelings in order first, to feel contrite first. In other words, as a different friend of mine and person I respect said, "Don't take yourself out of the game just because you made a mistake. Keep playing. Taking yourself out of the game wastes even more time."

Normally, I will be honest, I don't get much out of Bible Study. I find people debating the same tired points, and often people are content with content-reading - saying "What does this line say?" and answering it...which is fine as a beginning question to get people engaged, but not the whole study. If the right answer to every question is a simple "Jesus", then I'm basically in Vacation Bible School and not studying the Bible as deeply as I should be doing as an adult.  You can go your whole life that way, knowing the "right" answer and never thinking or having to change your mindset. And Bible Studies, most I've been to (and I've been to quite a few now, in a bunch of different places), are like that. So it was quite refreshing to have a deep discussion for once.

Also, one more point: not everyone has a powerful life-changing emotional experience that brings them to God. I did, my spouse didn't. Some people just decide "Oh...it makes sense to me now." and that's it. And that's okay. I had the whole "God speaking to me" thing where it clearly proved to me there was a God, but my actual "putting my faith in Christ" moment was more of an "oh, I see" moment...less drama. In some ways, it makes it harder to hold to faith, because you don't have that dramatic Before-and-After to cling to as Christianity changing you. In other words, it's harder to see Christianity "working", for lack of a better term.

The Take-Away:

• It's not our effort that makes us a good Christian. We're always a good Christian because Christ is in us, and that's what God sees.
• The early apostles surely had days where they struggled too. They couldn't have loved God 100% every day, and worked for Him tirelessly every day. That just leads to burnout. Also, they had failures too, and that didn't lead to them being any less Christian - in fact, they're held up as models of the faith.
• God is always with you, and always working. Put aside your guilt and come right back to Him. Don't wait to feel contrite before you come back, or that's wasted time. God has started a good work in you, and is continuing to make you more like Christ - a better person, more like Himself, godly in character - every day.
• Being godly goes against our nature in so many ways. In some ways, it's hard to wrap our heads around because the concepts are so foreign to us. Like not pursuing our self-interests. Totally backwards idea to us, yet it's central to Christianity and to knowing God.

Why Running Jaina?

Because some days, it's a fight. You grit your teeth and give it your all, and pray you last the day. And then celebrate as you cross the finish line. Party hard, play hard, exercise, rest yourself, unwind. You earned it.

Some days it's a challenge to wrestle even the tiniest drop of truth or inspiration from the Bible.
You feel frustrated after hours spend on one passage, with nothing to show from it. Don't give up! God speaks to you, and sometimes all you need to do is change your focus. Maybe all you need is inspiration today, not radical new learning. Maybe focus on a different person or different situation in the story. Maybe see us as Christians, kind of isolated and unknown in the population like Jedi living individual lives throughout the universe - what does this passage say for us Christians as a movement/whole? Let's assume we're talking about people who are very loving, generous, faithful, enduring, etc. (and not the haters, not the people pursuing the American Dream under the guise of Christianity).

Some days, your energy is sapped from life. A tiresome job or task. Sleepless nights with a baby. Fights with a spouse. Loved ones or friends who lean on you with all their troubles. Remember: God is with you. You are not doing this alone. And unlike the Force, it's not your own strength that feeds it (so when you have none left, you are not doomed!). No effort on your part - God is with you, and your success depends on Him and not your efforts. Surrender to Him today. Reconnect with Him today.

Personal Accountability Weekly Worksheet #2

PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY

Weekly Worksheet

1. How are you feeling today?

Tired. Today was another hard day. I thought yesterday was hard, and today was harder. In sum: unexpectedly hours short on sleep - again. Fussy baby. To-do list never changes, even though I'm slowly chipping away at it, which makes me feel like I'm stuck in a rut, not making any progress, or just spinning my wheels. In my free time, I find myself just checking Facebook instead of working on work, because I'm bored or drained of energy. And yet, I'm inspired to be productive, but am a little afraid to start (perfectionism? because I have so little free time, I know it won't be finished, or it won't be up to a very high standard that I feel I ought to be at? I don't know). I have accomplished some work, but it's like I'm bored and looking for things to read (even Facebook bores me, as does the news). Something to stimulate my mind instead of the same things every day!

2. How connected do you feel to God today?

Yesterday, or this morning, I would have said not much. But then I prayed, and God actually refreshed me. My bad mood dissipated this morning. It returned, on and off, but each time I prayed, I felt as if God told me "It's going to be all right". Not in words, but it was a feeling of being all right. I finished listening to a sermon tonight. It had several good points:

-First, all Christians have dry spells. You can be a good Christian and still have dry spells.
-Second, that there is nothing magical about ending with "in the name of your son Jesus Christ". That's a phrase merely to remind us that it's nothing we do, but what God did for us already, with Jesus on the cross. That's what I've needed to remind myself of.
-Third, that the Bible teaches us how to pray. We can pray what's in the Bible itself, or at least we cross check what we think God's telling us with what He's already told (or implied) in the Bible. He won't contradict Himself.
-Fourth, that it's not your effort that determines whether God answers your prayers or not. It's not if you pray hard enough, or often enough.

Let me be honest here, since this blog is mainly meant for me, as a record to myself. How connected do I feel to God? Some days I feel very connected, but most days I feel secular, or pushing away from God. Though then I pray and feel better for a few minutes, or sometimes for a few days, but it is always like this. I've already committed my life to God and Jesus, and I've had God work miracles in my life. This week in particular, I've done a good job pushing away sin (that when I give into, makes me feel guilty and pull away from God, as if to hide). So this week, that's a plus. This week, I was also able to recognize evil when I felt especially devoted to God. I even responded fairly well, not 100% well, so response is one thing I can work on, but at least I recognized it. (even though I feel actively working on crafting response is the hard part).


3. How have you been this past week with taking care of yourself? Have you maintained a good sleep/exercise/eating schedule? Have you practiced positive mental habits? Where have you found peace?

Yes to eating. I've tried to cut out sugar, which has actually gone fairly well. Yesterday I didn't, but I'm being gentler with myself on days where I'm dead tired. You do whatever you have to to survive.

Sleep - no but not my fault. I've stayed up a little later than I should have, including tonight, and Baby has kept me up the rest. Mental habits - nope. Trying though. I think I start, and then have to run through the old thoughts to "test" to see if the fear is gone, and then it brings back the habits (if not the fear).


Where have I found peace? Good question. I found a little bit praying. I found a little bit in reading healthy blogs. I keep thinking I'll find it on Facebook or articles, but I don't. I keep thinking I will in productivity, but sometimes I don't get through enough of the list (like this week) to actually get that "got a lot of stuff done" feeling.

4. How has progress towards your goals gone? Have you practiced good time management? If you'd like to change directions on your goals, or think you need a new strategy somewhere, please list that here:

Okay for time management (procrastinated a little, and did some activities which wasted some of my precious free time, but still have been chipping away at getting what needs to be done, done.)

New strategy: Facebook won't make me happy. I'd be farther along in my to-do list, and probably happier, if I just did things. Maybe getting on things? I don't know. See "feeling stuck in a rut", question #1.



5. Have you found time for a regular devotional? How is that going? Remember, any relationship is important to upkeep, and your relationship with God is no exception. If you’re having trouble making time for God, look at your schedule and schedule in a time right now. Maybe you can wake up 15 mins earlier or go to bed 15 mins later. Maybe you can take a few minutes on your lunch break to pray. Maybe you can listen to the Bible or worship songs on your way to work. 

I've prayed every day but the last 2 days Baby woke up early. So no. I did decide to do more inspiration than Bible Study.

 6. In what areas do you feel like God is working in your life this week?

I don't know. Giving me refreshment and encouragement when I need it in prayer, but then I slip back into the rut/negativity. I don't know the direction God is taking my life but that's okay I guess. Gentleness with my spouse. Patience with baby. Giving me time by cancelling Church stuff.


7. What is challenging you in your walk with God this week? What are some things you’ve been learning recently (in your walk with God)? Has it been easy or hard for you? In what areas or ways do you feel like you’re growing?

Staying connected to God beyond a day or two. I'm learning God is gentler with me than other Christians are. I don't have to beat myself up verbally or mentally like they would, because God actually doesn't care. As long as I follow Christ, and follow Him, that's what's important.
See my Summary of Things I've Learned page.
Is it hard? The past 2 days were hard, so it's hard to tell. Yeah, it's hard. It's brutal.
I feel like I'm actually growing to be a more productive person, a very busy person who balances a lot of extracurricular activities (something I've always wanted to be). I've handled church practice, the baby, cooking healthy meals (and keeping the fridge stocked!), work, and even some physical exercise. I haven't handled so well the cleaning this week, and some of it feels like it's slipping - my sleep, the physical stuff, even meals - they come out to one every couple days. So it's hard to hold it all together.

 8. Pick a verse for the day. This can be a verse related to how you’re feeling, an inspirational verse off the homepage of Bible.com or Biblegateway.com or any other inspirational verse site, or a random verse from the Bible. Read it, and write it down, even if it’s just on a piece of note paper. Just somewhere to see it.

Awesome! I was just thinking, well, to encapsulate my mood, I am so down, I need some encouragement. Encouragement is the word for the day.

The verse for the day on Biblegateway.com (I kid you not):

1 Thess 5:11: Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.
 
How cool is that! I didn't even have to search for it. It's like God knows what I'm feeling. In a different world, that would cheer me up. The bad mood me is still in a bad mood, but at least I rationally know God's listening.


Other verses:
Josh 1:9: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Rom 15:5: Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement...








9. Remind yourself of God’s truth: (what is God speaking to your situation this day/week?) Take a moment to just enjoy being with God. In prayer, in reading the Bible…just meditate for a minute and talk to God.

Whatever situation comes up, especially when Baby is fussy, don't be dismayed, because God is with me! The power of the Lord is backing me. So have courage, and take joy in knowing the Lord is with you!




Perseverance and encouragement are gifts from God. We won't have them all the time, and it is God who is responsible for working them in us.


Acts 15 - Judas and Silas strengthen and encourage the congregation at Antioch.

10. Personal goal for growth this week: (use this from your Monthly sheet, write it here, and keep it in view and in mind daily)

Get out of this rut I'm in by making my days different.
Stay more on a schedule with God, to try to keep the focus on Him.
Continue learning gentleness and patientce
Don't stress about the future, about my career direction or ultimate purpose. Just serve God in each small step He asks you to take.

*Bonus question: ways to be more Jedi-like:
 Blow off frustration through exercising hard
 Enjoy learning - find something new and dive in! kind of did this today with the camera.
Practice tolerance, patience, open-mindedness, even of other Christians. Don't assume they're going to judge you. Meet them with joy and encouragement. Pretend you like being around them, that they're your people, that it's a time to relax and enjoy and unwind from the week and not stress.

Summary: Things I've learned this week

 

• Being married makes you more Christlike. It doesn't matter how badly the other person acts.  It's about your part being prepared to be sacrificial, but to do everything you can to love.
• Greed is a form of idolatry, because you're putting your greatest value in something that's not God.
• We're all valuable, and our skills and talent sets are needed. God will use you.
• Devotionals every day are not meant to be a Bible Study. Try to apply a verse to what you're thinking about that day and see how God answers (I search the term I think best applies and see what stands out to me - so far this has only worked okay). Or else, pick an inspirational verse. Use it as a pick-me-up for the day.